Who Is A Grandchild and Who is a Cousin?

Understanding Lakota Relationships

One of the areas that separate the Lakota and other Indian Tribes from the Non-Indians is the manner in which we claim and call our relatives. This has become more apparent with the birth of my great granddaughter. From the time of her birth she became an important member of my extended family. She was positioned in her proper place according to the generation she was born into. For the rest of her life she will know how she is to refer to her relatives and how they will refer to her. As the newest generation she will be surrounded by the older generations who will love and cherish her.

The following is an explanation regarding the Tiyospaye and how we refer to our relatives. It’s an excerpt from a paper I wrote on “Lakota Social Change” for a class I took at the University of Nebraska.

A Lakota’s relatives are classified according to the generation they belong to and what sex they are. There is no regard to whether they are related through the father’s or mother’s line. The kinship term used in the traditional culture determined one’s behavior toward the person. Parents, grandparents and brothers and sisters were treated with love and respect. One, however showed more restraint around the persons referred to as aunt and uncle.

For example, one would use the same term Ina for their mother and their mother’s sister; Ate would refer to both their father and their father’s brother. Your mother’s brother would be called Lekshi and your father’s sister would be Tonwin – both of these terms are roughly the equivalent of aunt and uncle in American kinship terminology. The terms for sister and brother would be used for siblings and the children of those they called mother and father (i.e. parallel cousins—the children of your maternal aunts and paternal uncles). There were, however different terms for brother and sister depending upon if they were older or younger and what gender the person was, who was speaking. The terms for cousin also depended upon the gender of the person talking.

The way in which Lakota refer to their relatives is often confusing for Non-Indians – for example a Lakota may call someone ‘aunt’ who the Non-Indian would refer to as ‘cousin’. The rule normally is that all of the cousins in the parent’s generation would be aunts and uncles no matter how distant the relationship was. All of the individuals in the generation who are recognized as parents by both the mother and father are called grandparent. There is no term for ‘great aunt’ or ‘great uncle’. (end of excerpt)….

We use a story as an example of how we are sometimes faced with a cultural clash when dealing with relationship and the larger society. My oldest son was in a biology class were they were learning about genealogy and was supposed to create a family tree. He listed his father’s aunt as his grandmother and the teacher tried to correct his paper by telling him that she was not his grandmother but his great-aunt. My son was furious with the teacher and told him “I don’t care what you say she is my grandmother!” We experience this constant attempt on the part of Non-Indians to correct us on who is what according to the manner in which Euro-Americans refer to relatives.

I find the idea of one of the grandchild of my first cousins who I refer to as a sister being my fourth cousin and not a grandchild severely limits the relationship and as a result puts barriers between me and this grandchild.

This picture is the my daughter and her Grandma Dorothy who the Biology Teacher tried to convence my son was his Great Aunt and not his Grandmother. My great granddaughter is the grandchild of this baby.

Sovereignty: How Should We View It or Should It Matter?

Sovereignty

There are many ways to understand the concept of Sovereignty. There is a legalistic way of understanding the concept which is from a collective view point that is prescribed to tribal governments. These are a few of the ideas that people have that describe the idea of Sovereignty. The first three are what most Indians think sovereignty is as it relates to our tribal governments. The last three relates to the individual and may not be associated with the term.

1. the right to self-government without interference from outside
2. the right or power to enforce rules or give orders
3. the power to act on behalf of somebody else
4. independence with the freedom to make decisions on how to live
5. the freedom from dependence on or control by another person,
6. existing as moral agents to decide right from wrong

As we become more aware of the idea of Sovereignty we will learn that it is a dynamic process that has to be regenerated, rediscovered, understood and most of all actually practiced. The more it is practiced the better understood it becomes and the more we will be committed to living with Personal Sovereignty and applying it to our tribes.

Personal Sovereignty is not just a theory although it can be understood in a theoretical manner. It’s more about a person’s personal independence and their capacity to make moral decisions and act on them. How a person chooses to live, work, play, give, etc. is all about their personal beliefs and if we can instill in our tribal members a clear understanding of their personal commitment to be sovereign we can began the long climb out of poverty on the reservations. The way we choose to live is tightly woven in with tribal sovereignty.

If our tribal leaders did not have to spend 90% of their time dealing with the problems facing our families more time could be spent planning, investigating, and developing the infrastructure needed to have self-sustaining economies. Because so many of our people have become dependent rather than independent the tribal administration has to constantly come up with creative ways to meet the needs of the people.

The Lakota for thousands of years had self-sustaining Tiyospayes that took care of the needs within the group. It has only been the last 100 years, less than four generations that we went from totally independent family groups to dependent individuals who need their basic needs met by outsiders. We curse the federal and state bureaucracies but if we woke up one day and every single office was closed and all of the workers left the reservations never to return would we survive? Some families would but many would not. How many of our families would know how to live from the land? We have been deprived through dependency of our cultural knowledge our ability to exist within the environment that was our birthright.

John Mohawk, a Seneca of the Haudenosaunee (Iroquois Nation) spoke about if we were to truly understand Sovereignty we needed to “…study it and make it the goal in every major area of social life.”

He outlined five areas of sovereignty that a people must control and exercise in order to achieve sovereignty. Beyond the important area of self-governance and conflict resolution, he cited land and economics, health and reproduction, education and socialization of children, and the realm of the mind and spirit or the psyco-spiritual. In each of these five main areas, he instructed the group of activist, “all our personnel, our teachers in the schools, our nurses in the clinics, our counselors, our businessmen, and economic planner, all need to strive to have a sovereign-minded strategy for the rebuilding of their community and nation.” His prescription for a Native tribal sovereignty was thus more than just about government, but intended to involve everyone working in these five major areas of endeavor to think and act sovereign in their assertion of being “a people”. (Thinking in Indian: A John Mohawk Reader, Edited by Jose Barreiro: 2010. Pg. xx)

All of us who talk about “Sovereignty” need to take this advice to heart and began to incorporate it into all areas of our lives. Our people need to live with personal sovereignty and learn to take care of themselves. We need to relearn how to feed ourselves, live without always depending on the tribe, the federal or state government to take care of our basic needs. We need to begin to live healthy lives so our dependency on the Indian Health Service isn’t crucial to our survival. Our traditions are still intact, we can use the teachings and moral codes to make the necessary changes we will have to create the opportunity to achieve this dream of true sovereignty.

The Lakota Concept of Peace

Wolakota

(Peace)

Wolakota a very old Lakota Term used to describe Rules & Concepts of Behavior established in the distant past to address problems dealing with Internal Fighting.

Wolakota means to act and behave with ultimate respect, harmony, peace and friendship.

Wolakota is a powerful prevention to arguing, fighting, making enemies, jealousy, squabbling among relatives, and belittling people in public.

The ultimate symbol of Wolakota is the pipe and the foundation of Lakota society is Waohola (Respect).

The Tiyospaye (kinship system) is the ultimate example of Wolakota in action. How you address each relatives will determine how you behave towards them.

The use of Kinship terms was destroyed by the boarding school system. By referring to an individual as your relative you're more likely to show that individual respect and thereby live by the rules of Wolakota.

However, if you don't respect your relatives then Wolakota is difficult to achieve.

How Do We Learn To Understand the World

My Grandmother

Vine Deloria, Jr. in his book "Custer Died For Your Sins" stated that every child should have a Lakota Grandmother because they are the most loving caring and concerned individual in the life of a Lakota Child. The love and protection they give to their grandchildren is the epitomy of what it means when a person states "unconditional love". I was fortunate to have had a Lakota Grandmother, one who spent hours teaching me about proper behavior (most times, sadly to say I didn't follow the ideal).

Her name was Mable Dupris, she was born in 1892 just two years after the Massacre at Wounded Knee. She was the daughter of Poor Buffalo and Grows In A Day who were given the the English names of Mathew and Lucy. Mable's Lakota name was "White Buffalo That Looks Back Woman" she was given this name to remind her and her family of the Lakota traditional belief system that was declared illegal by the policy of the United States Federal Government. This policy was enforced by the Court of Indian Offenses that was in effect until 1934. To practice the traditional ceremonies that the Lakota held sacred could result in being placed in the stockade or food rations for the entire family being with held.

Although as a child she lived through the most difficult time for the Lakota she never lost sight of who she was and how she saw the world. She was a kind and gentle individual who was a true philosopher, in the truest sense of the definition. She explained how I should think about life, how we were connected to the things, people, and the land, around us. She didn't just say these are the beliefs, the values, the traditions, why and how we exist. She helped me understand how I fit into this world and did it in a subtle and wise manner by using the old manner of socializing a Lakota child. She used stories, examples, and long talks about what it meant to be a child who represented our family.

We were taught how to share, to show respect to the older members of our family, to try not to embarrass her in front of our In-Laws, to be quite when people came to visit or when we went with her. We could not run around, be loud, fight, or ask for something to eat. I don't know why she took us when she went to visit. It was more likely she wanted us to either learn proper behavior or she didn't want to leave us to get into trouble while she was away. I remember she would feed us before we left so that "we wouldn't act hungry" but when we arrived and they offered us food we were never to turn our nose up at anything and gladly eat what ever was offered. Some times what we ate was not appetizing but we were expected to finish even when we were so full we would almost burst. This lesson has served me in important times when I had to eat many un-pleasant things as an adult.

One of her most important teachings was not to be stingy. To be generous is one of the foundations of Lakota society. It was taught very early in a child's life and when children showed any form of being generous they were praised, if they showed the opposite they were told that it was very wrong to behave in that manner. I learned this lesson very early. My mother told a story about a time when I was three years old. She said my Uncle Paul brought me a bag of candy and as a good Lakota child I went around and passed the candy out. When I got to him I looked in the bad and there was only one left. I looked at him looked at the candy and then took a bite of it and then gave the rest to him. Of course all the adults gave theirs back so that I could enjoy my treats. This is an example of how early these teachings were instilled in children.

I was blessed with this loving woman who I spent much of my earliest childhood. Each night she told me stories that taught behavior that was expected. She answered all of my childish questions and did so with stories so I would not forget the teachings. Her outlook on life was modeled by her behavior. She wore her hair in braids, sewed dark colored dresses, wore thick stockings and always wore a black scarf when she went anywhere. She baked bread and cooked beans on Monday and as a result all of her grandchildren were very popular because there was always enough to feed all of our friends. My life is rich because of her and I still her voice when I face a dilemma that would bring her shame if I choose the wrong way.

A Meeting of the Generations

A Visit of Relatives

I spent Friday evening and Saturday morning visiting with my niece and her husband happened to be in town and called me. It was a wonderful surprise to see both of them. As relatives they knew they didn't have to call weeks ahead to make sure I would be able to see them. We have a tendency to drop in on people unexpectedly and know we will always be welcomed. This was a teat for me because I had the opportunity to introduce them to my great granddaughter.

I gave both my granddaughter enough time to be ready to recieve important guests. There wasn't one thought given except the happy welcome we recived when we dropped by to intorduce my great granddaughter, Joslyn to her relatives. There we were passing her back and forth between all of us each one holding her, bouncing her and making her smile as we shared all of her latest accomplishments. I asked my granddaughter to show her Auntie the moccasins, star quilt, and a beautiful baby blanket that had been made by her father's grandmother before she passed away several years before Joslyn was born. These items were brought out and admired by all of us.

Joslyn, the fourth generation of our living Tiyospaye (extended family) was being introduced to her relatives in a typical manner that has been going on for thousands of years. The "Wankan Yeja" (sacred being) who will carry on our family into the future was welcomed by an important relative in a manner that shows how much she is loved. The continuity of our family was played out because my niece also had taken care of Joslyn's mother as I took care of her when she was a small child.

This wonderful experience of love shared and traditions carried on is why the Lakota have survived and will continue to survive. If an anthropologist was studying this encounter they would of course look at the kinship system and ask, "how are these women related? what ritual is being carried out? how do the men fit into this? what role does the niece's husband play or the babies father? My granddaughter knew exactly what kinship term to call my niece and her husband and she in turn will teach her daughter what term she would use. As a result the cohesiveness of the Lakota Tiyospaye will continue into the future. Joslyn's father is also learning the relationships of his daughter's Lakota family which is very different from the ones he has grown up with.

The Harmony of the Lakota world was based on this kinship system that allowed people to live together in a harmonious manner. You belonged and you knew this... "living with and loving other human beings who return that love creates the most healthy, secure and trusting emotional experience in the world." (Lakota Saying) By knowing the kinship term everyone knew the attitude and behavior one was expected to show others. It is from earliest childhood one is taught the correct behavior and attitude one shows various relatives. This allows the Tiyospaye to be a safe place to live within.

So on Friday night 2011 we shared an important event in the life of my great granddaughter and her parents.